The great yachting adventure

Well 99% of this story is land based.  About 15 years ago my brother-in-law John bought a boat.  Now you have to remember that new or even slightly used isn’t a word in his vocabulary.  For the most part, if it doesn’t need some work on it, he doesn’t buy it.  Maybe that says something about my sister.  Yea I ain’t headed down that path.

Back to the story.  John found the boat on Lake Guntersville.  It is was a very cool boat.  Very classic, maybe one of the first in a series of fiberglass boat.  That would have made it about 25 to 30 years old when it bought it.  It was your classic cabin cruiser, with great classic form and lines.  The running gear was in good condition but it was pretty tired on the inside.  I really thought it had a lot of possibilities and was looking forward to spending some time on it.  I even thought we could take a few weeks and take it down the river system to the Gulf.  It would have been a fun trip thru all the locks. 

After some deliberation John thought the best course of action was to have the boat trucked to his home in Talladega County to do the work there.   He was right, the hull need some cleaning and a LOT of sanding and polishing.  He constructed a shed over the boat to keep it out of the rain and elements, and started to work.  Well this wasn’t his paying job, so it didn’t get his full energy, his paying job keeps him in Montgomery a lot and thrown in a couple of weddings, moving and remodeling a house, the boat project suffered.  So after 15 years the boat is still under the shed and he has completed about two of the eighty weeks of work required for the project.  My sister may have had something to do with this decision but John decides the boat needs a new home.  Ads are placed on Craig’s List and EBay.  You know there aren’t a lot of people jumping up and down to buy a 45 year old boat in sad condition.  Even photo shop isn’t doing a lot of good here.

I have never been told what he paid for the boat but I think he accepted the offer $1,500 from one person in the entire world who wanted the boat.  (John called me and I have to correct the amount to $2,500.  He doesn’t want anyone to think he sold it too cheap.)  Everyone else just offered to remove it, but at least it would be gone.  Now you have to realize that John rarely fails to make a profit on any of his transactions so this has to be a troubling return on investment for him.  He does realize that sometimes you just have to take your loss and move on.
 

After several phone calls with, we will call him, Jake; John isn’t real comfortable with the guy buying the boat.  Jake has to bring money with him, no checks!  Jake is an old guy, probably a not a lot older than me or John but he is really old.  On oxygen, so he is pulling a little cart around with a thermos of oxygen.  He is taking the boat to some Midwest state and putting the boat in a small pond to be his getaway place.  Jake can’t move very far without stopping for a rest.  So how in the hell is this guy going to crawl around on the boat up and down ladders pulling his oxygen cart?  You just have to wonder what the lack of oxygen has done to his brain. 

Once John finds all of this out, he is pretty sure the guy is crazy.  After a few more phone calls, where the guy wants to stay on the boat while it is moved John is sure.  Being used to selling used cars to people who can be in “PeopleofWallmart.com” photos, John lays down the law.  It is a cash deal!  No one can stay on the boat while it is on the property, any injuries or damage, Jake is responsible.  John and “Friday” (John’s almost full time helper) won’t do any work.  Jake has to arrange everything.  John also stresses the importance of having professional marine movers do this work.  This is a twenty-four thousand pound boat that takes serious equipment to move.  Well Jake is apparently one of those people who knows everything about everything.  If you don’t believe me just ask him.  He has the boat moving detail under control and knows what he is doing. 

The planned day arrives and the boat moving crew show up. John gets his cash before the guy can get out of the truck.  Jake assumes the director’s position in a lawn chair to direct and watch.  The boat has to be jacked up four feet for the trailer to get under it.  Seems like a lot but John hasn’t seen the trailer so what the heck.  Well you know, just saying, you can’t lift twenty-four thousand pounds with car jacks.  But some people are just smarter than you and don’t take advice well.  Can you picture, this isn’t going well the first day.  John and Friday pitch and go to work.  John has some hydraulic jacks; Jake buys a couple of more.   I stop by on my way somewhere else the next day (work still in progress) and Friday is telling how John and him are doing most of the work. 

If you have never tried to lift a boat is isn’t an easy process.  Well actually it is, you just rent a big ass crane and pick it up.  But their method is to jack a little and add cribbing under the jacked portion.  You have to jack at all locations or you can torque the boat and either cause damage to the boat or it will fall off the cribbing.  Under Jake’s expert direction they almost lose the boat a couple of times.  He is relieved of command! 

After several days of hard work under the direction General John and First Sergeant Friday the boat achieves its correct elevation.  A semi tractor trailer arrives to move the boat.  Well it is a flat bed trailer which is about four feet tall.  Well four feet plus twelve feet, you can do the math, won’t fit under any bridge on any highway.  The truck driver, who got this job based on bidding Jake’s specifications on eBay, informs Jake he is F*%k!@g crazy and he wants his G#% D!@m money.  This does put a kink in the plans.  Jake returns to the Midwest to regroup and John just wants the boat gone. 

 

Backhoe isn't enough

Several weeks later the crew returns with a new plan with a different truck and trailer arrangement.  Well this trailer isn’t four feet tall so you have to reverse the process of raising the boat and get it back down to about eighteen inches.  After a few days, they come down easier than they go up; the boat is on the trailer and ready to go.  Well almost, you know it has been raining a lot lately.  That truck ain’t moving anything.  John’s front end loader won’t do any good so a wrecker is summoned.  The wrecker frees the train from the shed.  As soon as the trailer hits hard ground tires start to pop.  Ok we are going to give the crew the benefit of the doubt; most boat trailers don’t have heavy duty tires.  New tires are purchase and put on the trailer.  At this point John and Friday have retired from their positions and Jake has assumed his rightful position of Director.   It is getting late so they move the train about two hundred yards to get it out of the way.  That must have been a very hard trip because one of the axel breaks.  Ok it is too late to deal with this today.  You just don’t go to Wal-Mart and buy an axle.  It takes a while to find the right parts.  All the time this is presenting a very monumental statue in my Mom’s yard.    My sister is now giving me daily updates with photos.  Being the pessimistic engineer I am telling her, “I can write you an equation and tell you that ain’t going to ever work”.

After a couple of days of expert direction and several oxygen containers.  My sister says it wouldn’t take as many cylinders if he would just quit talking for a second or two every hour.  They find a replacement axle and install it.  Hooked up and ready to roll everyone says good bye and thank God he is gone.  Well about twenty feet later, the new axle breaks.  My sister is saying “Oh my god will we ever get rid of Jake.  What if he abandons the boat in Mother’s yard?”

t

The Palm Tree

Multiple phone calls later a new trailer is located in Ft Lauderdale, Florida, so off the team goes.  They show back up on Sunday late with a new trailer.  Well a new trailer plus a twenty foot tall palm tree.  Exactly how long will a Florida Palm Tree live in the Midwest were it snows?  Yea you have to jack the boat back up get the trailer out and put the new one under it.  The Palm tree is under the boat with the fronds dragging on the ground.   That has to be good for the tree. 

On Monday goodbyes are share again everyone has a good cry about how they will never see each other again.  My sister’s tears are from pure joy.  They make it to the highway and turn north.  So far so good it is off the property.  Such a beautiful sight of tail lights going over the top of the hill at Ledbetters.  My sister is just praying “Please God, let them get out of Talladega County and Alabama”.  Well part of her pray was answered.

I teach a class at “The” University of Alabama on Mondays and Wednesdays.  Wednesday was Ash Wednesday and Carole was headed to church for dinner and the service.  I normally don’t get back from Tuscaloosa until about 7:00 so I had to fend for myself for dinner that night.  Golden Rule sounded like a good place and after a good hamburger steak, I headed home.  And what to my wondering eyes should appear but a big ass boat parked at the Shell Station just south of the interstate.  It looks just like John’s old boat!  It is John’s old boat!  (Note that at no time during this story have I referred to this boat as my sister’s boat.)  I couldn’t believe it.  I was past it before I had time to think I need a photo.  I can tell this thing isn’t going anywhere too fast so I figure I have time.  Well how long do you think it takes me to call my sister?  About another hundred yards and she is on the phone.  I barely make it home before I get a call from John.  I promise a clandestine operation the next morning to do photos.  My instructions are to under no circumstances is anyone supposed to know who I am and what I am doing. 

The clandestine operation reveals some very informative information.  The trailer supports has buckled from laterally unsupported compression flanges of the stringers.  That is the engineering description.  The Talladega County description is “the sun-of-a-bitch folded up”.   I find out from John the trailer was salvaged from a fifth wheel travel trailer that burned.  I can write that equation also about what heat does to the strength of steel.  Besides a travel trailer doesn’t come close to weighing as much as that boat and part of the design of trailers is the box forms a huge beam to support the weight so the beams don’t have to support the entire load.  That thing never had a chance to work. 

Of course this story has to get passed along to Dennis and John who have to take trips to the Shell Station to observe the lateral buckling of unsupported compression flanges.  You don’t get to see many engineering failures like this.  Yes, Andala had to take the kids by so they can observe a true marvel of engineering testing to ultimate load.  Hopefully we never see one on our projects.  You know I had to go back and get gas at the pump closest to the boat later in the day.  It was hard to get some photos but I snuck a couple in while I was pumping gas.  The only route out was around the boat and there was Jake on the opposite side in his director’s chair doing what he does best.

They are in the process of jacking it up again.  I bet they are getting good at it by now.  Maybe it will be gone by the weekend.  On Friday, Carole and I leave to spend the weekend on the boat with instruction for John to go check on the boat over the weekend.  The trailer gets removed and repaired by Goodgame.  Sorry Jason if I had known I would have warned you. 

John, while trying to document the repair to the compression failure of the laterally unsupported beams gets a couple of more photos over the weekend.  They have gone to the local big box, purchased some house paint and are painting the boat with a brush.  There are so many things wrong with doing that I wouldn’t know where to start.  It may be the only fiberglass boat in the world painted with house paint.  As you can see in the photo the guy painting has his fall protection on but it isn’t attached to anything. 

I get home on Sunday and Carole tells me I can’t go check it out to see if they have left yet but from what we have found out later they didn’t leave until Monday morning.  I do make a trip up that way on my way to work and see it is missing.  Well at least they are on I20 and out of the county by now.

Dennis comes in the office a few minutes after 8:00 and says “Hey that boat that was up at the Shell Station is broke down going up the hill at Karr Gap”. 

OK I have to back up to the previous week.  On Tuesday, I take my truck to Murray’s Garage in Leeds to get some work done on my Air Conditioner.  They have trouble getting parts and it is Thursday late before I can pick it back up.  I tell Kerry and Chip about the adventures of the boat.  We get a good laugh and I tell them they will probably get a call to drag him off I-20 in the next few days.  I also recommend that they might want to carefully consider if they want to get involved with Jake.

So you know I have to leave to go to Tuscaloosa as soon as I can to see what is going on.  Just as Dennis reported it is on the side of the road near Karr Gap.  The boat is on the trailer “Backwards”.  I have never seen a boat on a trailer stern first.  I can’t say you shouldn’t do it but I have never seen it.  As I get close there is Murray’s truck.  I have to call Kerry and ask why he got involved with Jake.  His first words were “Oh Shit, is that who that is”.  The local tire company has called them and asked them to go fix a flat for someone of the interstate.  Kerry reminds them they don’t do flats on the interstate it is just too dangerous.   The tire guys say it is for an “elderly gentlemen who has health problems and is on oxygen”.   Kerry’s weak spot kick in and he goes to help.  On my way back from Tuscaloosa the boat is gone so I think just maybe it was just a tire and it on its way up I-65. 

On Tuesday morning an article appears in the local paper about Jake.  (OK the paper gives his correct name, but I will continue with Jake.)    http://www.dailyhome.com/view/full_story/21750749/article-Ahoy-Mate--Missouri-man-gets-stranded-in-Pell-City-with-his-41-foot-yacht-and-palm-tree?instance=home_news_right This is the first I have heard of the desire to rent the boat as a “honeymoon” suite.  You need to read the article.

The flamingo is a nice touch

Dennis on his way to the office sees it again on Tuesday and gets some more photos.  It is on the side of the road at Brompton.   Note the photos shows the addition of a fender on the side of the boat and plastic flamingos around the boat. 

Wednesday is back to Tuscaloosa and I don’t see the boat on my way down.  Actually I didn’t know where to look and you probably couldn’t have seen it from the interstate anyway.  While killing time waiting on a meeting to start, I pull out the Ipad and check on my BFF on FaceBook.  There is an appeal on FaceBook from the local radio station to “elderly gentlemen who has health problems and is on oxygen”.  He is offering $10 per hour cash to help jack the boat up.  On my way back home, my low fuel light comes on and I stop at the Brompton exit to fuel up.  I thought the boat was at the service station and when I didn’t see it I thought it was gone.  As I am pulling back out on the highway and look to the left I see some lights on the side of the road and think Oh My God there it is. 

I was in meetings all day on Thursday in Montgomery.  On my way home Kerry from Murray’s give me a call to let me know he had got another call on Wednesday to go help the “elderly gentlemen who has health problems and is on oxygen”.  He informed the person that he had been fooled by that once and wasn’t going down that path again.  Apparently they had figured out there is a good reason that boats are put on trailers bow first and had turned the trailer around.  Thus the need for day labors.  Today when things were squared away they took off for points west.  But just as they pulled on to Highway 78 the trailer broke half in two and it was blocking the highway.  Well at least it wasn’t I-20.  Kerry said he heard there was a wrecker there trying to get it out of the highway.

On Monday (OK we are going on three weeks now) we here there is an interview on the local radio station.  I get to listen to a little of it while on my way back to Tuscaloosa again.  It is “interesting”.  Later that day I get an email from one of the guys in the office that there is going to be interview with him on the local television station.  http://www.abc3340.com/story/21345876/missouri-man-and-his-boat-making-trek-through-alabama  In the interview he mentions his FaceBook page.  We are now BFF’s on FaceBook.  You can friend him and see the photos of the boat and what may be a new girl friend who comes to visit him in (OK I will give her the benefit of the doubt) lounging pants.  From the interviews, he supposedly has hired someone else to move the boat. 

On Wednesday my mom calls and tells me to watch the news on Fox 6.  http://www.myfoxal.com/story/21420278/yacht-stranded-near-i-20-finally-sails-on-home   He is Jake has left Brompton.  There is an update on Facebook that he is in Tennessee.  You know that I will have to keep track of this adventure, so there will probably be another post later.  But for right now this has to get posted for the world to enjoy. 

There has to be a moral to this story.  I will have to edit this later when I narrow it down from my list of the top twenty I have now. 

PS  Like all great adventures this is a semi true story with the names changed to protect the innocent.  Actually to hell with the innocent, I don’t want my ass sued by Jake.